Hypothetically Speaking
by Lets Be Dramatic
Summary: Lily and James get together over coffee. AUish. Funnyish.


A gust of crisp, autumn air blew in through the cramped but cozy café. A tantalizing smell wafted its way to Lily's nose as she sat at a table by the spacious glass window, looking out at the lazy street. Another customer had just arrived, a grumpy, shrewish old man with grotesque chin hairs sprouting underneath a fleshy, well used mouth: not enough to be called a beard, nor a goatee, but too many to say he was clean shaven. The wrinkly man bellowed for a table at a harried looking young waitress, who rushed by, heading for the kitchen that churned out fragrant coffees and tasty snacks. Lily rolled her exotic green eyes at the offending tub of lard and gave the waitress a sympathetic look. While she was observing the scene in front of her, a small commotion was occurring right behind her through the glass of the window. A tall, handsome looking man of approximately the same age as Lily heading for the door of Le Chat Noir, had suddenly stopped, backtracked, and peered in through the window. Unsatisfied, he squished his face against the glass as Lily turned back to her book. Affirming what he saw, he now entered the café with a purpose. He tried catching a waiter's eye, shrugged, and headed back towards the window seat across from the intriguing redhead with glasses.

"E-Excuse me, is this seat taken?" the young man asked, taking a deep breath and visibly trying to regain his fleeing confidence.

Lily raised an eyebrow, noted the page in her book, and looked up in disdainful curiosity, "It could be, who's asking?"

"The name's James." James held out his hand to shake.

"Okay, that's nice" Lily said, ignoring James' hand, not really listening, and continued to read, "Yes, the seat is taken."

"W-wait!" He withdrew his hand quickly and stood there, fidgeting. "Hypothetically speaking, what if I was, hypothetically, just a guy trying to find a seat in a crowded café, and hypothetically found one, and he hypothetically wanted to know a little more about the hypothetically absolutely gorgeous redhead who might be hypothetically reading that he would be sitting across from, hypothetically, that is."

"Well, hypothetically, if the hypothetically-" here Lily set down her book and did air quotes with her fingers, "-'absolutely gorgeous' redhead were trying to stay away from hypothetical lines that oozed sleaze, then, I'm pretty sure that the hypothetical redhead would decline the offer of hypothetical companionship and continue on her jolly, reading way. That is, of course, if this were all indeed, hypothetical."

"But-" James tried to start.

"Look Mister," Lily set her book down and stood up so quickly, her delicate gold wrought chair screeched in protest against the wood floor, as she punctuated her words by poking him as she talked. "Right now, I am not to be trifled with. I'm reading a mindless piece of garbage more popularly known as a romance novel to appease a small, power-walking airhead known as my boss! I've got to get this review into my boss for Witch Weekly, or my butt is marmalade! "

"Er-"

"And you know what? Unless you're a strikingly handsome guy who is willing to sweep me off my feet, and love even my flaws, quirks, and pet peeves, your name starts with a 'J', and you like the muggle candy sour gummy worms, I don't think that this is going to work!"

"So, if you don't mind, either sit down, order something and shut up, or go and harass some other girl!" By this time, Lily had started screaming and jabbing James so violently, that the café had slowly quieted until one could hear a wand drop.

Going pink in the face, Lily quickly dropped into her chair and resumed reading.

"…Waiter!" someone called, and with that, the café's noise level grew back to its original din.

James waited patiently for a few minutes then slid quietly into the chair across from Lily.

"Ahem…" James cleared his throat.

She looked up, still a bit pink.

"Hmm?"

"My name's James, and I-"

"Quite honestly, I don't care, so if you will please be quiet, I have to finish this by tomorrow, and then write what I think about it. 'Gag!' Is what I think about it!"

"Ah- well, okay… um, how about I tell you about myself on this napkin, here?" James tried, holding up a napkin from the table.

"Mmkay…" Lily had gone back to her book, not paying anymore attention to him.

"Okay, here goes-" James pulled a pen from his pocket, scribbled a bit on the paper, then started writing, while muttering under his breath, "Name: James, Age: 20, Looks: black hair and hazel eyes, nice skin, Likes: redheads-"

At this, Lily rolled her eyes, only half listening.

"- old muggle movies, muggle candy sour gummy worms, girls that read, and books that are preferably not romance novels."

At the mention of sour gummy worms, Lily's eyes lit up, and studied James in a whole new light.

James scanned the sheet and as he finished writing something at the bottom, and slid the paper over the table to Lily. Lily looked at the paper nonchalantly, but read it thoroughly, before she grabbed a napkin, and started jotting down her own description.

"Name: Lily, Age: 19, Looks: red hair, green eyes, nice skin, Likes: books; magical _and_ muggle, reading, old muggle movies, singing in the rain, gummy worms, and crushing beautiful sand castles on long walks on the beach."

She slid this over to him while pretending to resume reading; she was really peeking at him over the top of her book. He smiled and folded the note into delicate fourths, and pocketed it.

"You know, they're showing an old film down at the movie theatre, I think I remember something about, dancing, singing, rain, and a guy named Cosmo. I buy the tickets, you buy us an economy size bag of gummy worms?"

"You know what? I think I just might." She replied with a grin.

(A/N: Okay, So I Just Took My Story And Butchered It, But I Really Liked How This Turned Out. And It Will Remain A One-Shot, So No Asking.)


End file.
